How to Support a Friend with Anxiety

Supporting a friend with anxiety can be both a challenging and rewarding experience. It requires empathy, patience, and a deep understanding of what your friend is going through. 

Drawing on the insights of psychologists Carl Rogers and Stephen Porges, this blog will explore effective ways to support a friend with anxiety. 

Understanding Anxiety

Anxiety is a natural response to stress, but for some, it can become overwhelming and persistent. Life can feel very hard when anxiety has a hold. 

It manifests in various ways, including physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, and trembling, as well as emotional symptoms such as excessive worry, fear, and irritability. People may notice they struggle more with good sleep patterns, or that due to their anxieties, their social battery is very low. 

Understanding these symptoms is the first step in providing meaningful support if you think someone close to you is not coping.

The Power of Empathy

Carl Rogers, a pioneer of humanistic psychology and person-centred therapy, emphasized the importance of empathy in building supportive relationships. According to Rogers, empathy involves truly understanding and sharing the feelings of another person. It is about being present and fully engaged in the moment with your friend. 

“Deep understanding is, I believe, the most precious gift one can give to another”  -Carl Rogers

Rogers believed that providing a non-judgmental and accepting environment is crucial for personal growth and healing. We are often so well meaning when we jump in with great ideas on what our friend could do next, that we may be silently suggesting that our friend needs ‘fixing’. A supportive presence stays with the story, without trying to jump to solutions. Just listening and feeling what they are feeling is the deep understanding they may need in that moment. 

When supporting a friend with anxiety, practice active listening. This means giving your full attention, acknowledging their feelings, and refraining from offering unsolicited advice. Sometimes, just being there and listening can make a world of difference.

Creating a Safe Space 

Stephen Porges' Polyvagal Theory offers valuable insights into how our nervous system responds to stress and anxiety. According to Porges, creating a sense of safety is essential for calming the nervous system. This involves engaging the ventral vagal complex, which is responsible for feelings of safety and social connection.

“Thus, to fulfill our biological imperative of connectedness, our personal agenda needs to be directed toward making individuals feel safe.” - Stephen Porges

To support a friend with anxiety, focus on creating a safe and calming environment. This can be achieved through simple actions like maintaining a calm tone of voice, making eye contact, and offering gentle reassurance. Encourage your friend to engage in activities that promote relaxation, such as deep breathing exercises or listening to soothing music.

Here are some practical tips for supporting a friend with anxiety. 

Be Present and Patient: Understand that anxiety can be unpredictable and may not always have a clear cause. Be patient and present, offering your support without trying to "fix" the problem. A lot of healing can come from others being fully present for us.

Encourage Professional Help: While your support is invaluable, it's important to encourage your friend to seek professional help if their anxiety is severe. A counsellor or therapist can provide specialized strategies and interventions. If they are not yet ready for that, you may encourage them to read some blog entries like this one. You could also encourage them to see their GP or check out Anxiety NZ for some tips. 

Promote Healthy Habits: If your friend is looking for ideas to manage their overwhelm, you can encourage your friend to adopt healthy habits that can help manage anxiety. This includes regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep. These habits can have a positive impact on their overall well-being.

Practice Mindfulness Together: Mindfulness techniques, such as meditation and deep breathing, can help reduce anxiety. Practicing these techniques together can provide mutual support and strengthen your bond. You can download a free trial to an app like Balance or Calm, or check out some of the great freebies on Spotify. 

Respect Their Boundaries: Everyone's experience with anxiety is different. Respect your friend's boundaries and avoid pushing them to do things they're not comfortable with. This is very important with some of the above ideas. If you’re friend isn’t seeking examples like exercise, mindfulness, or seeing their GP, just let them know you are willing to support them in that way when they are ready. Let them set the pace for their own healing journey.

Reflecting on Your Role

Supporting a friend with anxiety is a journey that requires compassion, understanding, and patience. By drawing on the principles of empathy from Carl Rogers and the insights on creating safety from Stephen Porges, you can provide meaningful support that helps your friend navigate their anxiety. You also want to make sure that you are taking care of your own wellbeing so that you have the bandwidth to be a support. 

Remember, your presence and understanding can make a significant difference. Be there for your friend, listen without judgment, and encourage them to seek professional help when needed. Together, you can create a supportive environment that fosters healing and resilience.